Trust In A Relationship And How To Learn To Trust Your Partner

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Trust In A Relationship And How To Learn To Trust Your Partner
Trust In A Relationship And How To Learn To Trust Your Partner

Video: Trust In A Relationship And How To Learn To Trust Your Partner

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Video: How to Build Trust in Your Relationship | Relationship Theory 2023, January
couple on the pier
couple on the pier

The joy of a small child to the world around him and from new acquaintances is sometimes enviable in a good way. Children have not yet learned to hide their feelings, to dissemble and know how to take their word for it. Adults have a problem with this. With the formation of a couple, after the romantic stage, trust in a relationship has to be earned through hard work. Are there ways to simplify and speed up the process, and what to do if trust is lost? Let's try to figure it out in this article.

The content of the article

  • 1 What is trust?
  • 2 Trust in relationships and trust in others, what's the difference?
  • 3 Reasons for mistrust
  • 4 How to learn to trust

What is trust? I

Let's start with the basics and look at the concept of trust. This sensation has positive properties and means the openness of feelings to the world and another person. Confidence is synonymous with trust. As a bonus, there is calmness and tranquility, a feeling of quiet joy - something that people are looking for all their lives.

The antipode of trust is anxiety. It has a negative coloration. It is characterized by a wary attitude towards the world and people, nervousness, lack of joy in life.

If any person is asked a question, which one to choose, then the answer is obvious - election will fall on trust if he is not a masochist. But in reality it turns out not so. Many prefer closeness, anxiety and distrust. It makes the person suffer, fall over and over again, until he / she learns to trust and love.

Such a perception of the world does not mean that a person wishes himself ill. Anxiety is more an acquired quality than an innate one. Behind it lies a fear based on life experience: to be betrayed, rejected, humiliated, and so on along the chain.

Fear does not appear unreasonably, perhaps the person really has the experience of grief of betrayal and disappointment behind him. In an amicable way, everyone went through it. Yet everyone understands that such a feeling brings suffering, because it is unnatural to human nature.

On this topic, I recall the black humor when a girl was asked at a personal growth seminar if she trusts others? She replied, “Trust people? Yes, there was such a jamb behind me … ". Seriously, you can't see everyone as enemies and potential traitors, someone must learn to trust someone, otherwise you can go crazy.

Trust in relationships and trust in others, what's the difference? 2

The highest level of trust is between immediate family members, that is, between parents and their children. Brothers and sisters, grandmothers and grandfathers can be attributed here. There is always an unlimited loan for relatives. Although in some families there are times when there is a real feud, but this is the exception to the rule.

But human nature is arranged in such a way that sooner or later the chick flies out of the nest and winds its own. Creates a family. Husband and wife are not native people, but they live under the same roof. They always have something to share and not only material things: attention, care, love, personal space, loyalty, respect, dedication, distribution of roles, tolerance, ability to give, and so on.

trust in relationships
trust in relationships

All of the above, multiplied by time, will become the foundation of trust. At the same time, it should be borne in mind that both must act selflessly, learn to go beyond selfishness and stop seeing in a partner an object of satisfying personal desires.

In a word, this is a titanic work, which becomes more complicated upon completion of the romantic stage of the relationship, when the "chemistry of love" ends. In fact, partners, not native people, give their lives into each other's hands. And from each of the bottom depends not only personal happiness, but also the spouse. This imposes additional responsibility.

With trust in others, things are much simpler. Even the closest friend is no match for a husband or wife. It should be remembered that not to share life with friends and colleagues, not to raise children. Therefore, close relationships with others can never reach the depth that can be learned in marriage.

Reasons for mistrust3

Real negative experience

Surely every person in life was betrayed, humiliated, left in the fools. Some had these cases more often, others less often. Accordingly, the level of trust / distrust will be different. But when a person decides to start a family, then there must be confidence in a partner, otherwise all meaning is lost.

Initially, this confidence is given by the love hormones up front. But then the person comes to his senses and begins to look at the picture more meticulously. If this is not the first relationship, and cases of betrayal were with others, the person in the current life partner will begin to look for flaws, possible weak points from which one can expect trouble.

trust in relationships
trust in relationships

The relationship will begin to heat up, perhaps the partner will respond. This behavior is due to the pressure of personal fears from the experience. In any case, he will have an impact on the current relationship.


You can endlessly talk about forgiveness, but if the partner has changed once, then it is not a fact that the second and third time this will not happen again. But there are objective reasons why people maintain relationships: years lived together, children, property. Partners do not dare to destroy the work due to the weakness of the other half.

Naturally, if the secret has come true, there is no need to talk about trust. It so happens that both cheated on each other. If it was a fleeting hobby, then it can be restored, but when it occurs systematically, or have romance with a lover or mistress for several years, then it is unlikely that trust will be restored.


Each person has complexes. But there are cases with a real overkill. It's very hard with such a person. His neuroses are not exactly transmitted to the second half, although this is partly so, the fear of not pleasing is added here, to do something wrong or to say. It is impossible to live in eternal tension.

It should be noted that the reasons for distrust among notorious people are often invented. He / she can arrange interrogations at an enviable frequency, force a loved one to make excuses, be jealous of every pillar, and so on. They do this not because the actions of the partner were provocative in nature, they just perceive the world in this way - with suspicion and captiousness.

the man
the man

Mirror reflection

Sometimes it is difficult for a person to trust someone because he himself is a pathological liar and a traitor. As the ancient Greeks said: “man is the measure of all things,” they judge everything by themselves. If he / she thinks badly about people, then they themselves are not clean on hand. They look at the world like a mirror reflecting their personal vision, projection.

By the way, all people are not sinless and tend to do bad things. It's just that in some cases deception and betrayal are the norm of life, and in return they get the impossibility to see something good either in themselves or in anyone.


Jealousy is a normal feeling. But there is healthy jealousy, justified. And sometimes it is far-fetched and unreasonable. This is a pathology. Its roots lie in its own insecurity and fears.

A confident person knows how to restrain this feeling because he knows that there will always be a replacement for a traitor. A pathological jealous person is not sure of himself and is afraid of losing his other half, just as there is a fear of not finding someone better.

How to learn to trust4

It has already been said that real trust takes years to build. Every person can achieve it. But there are always restraining mechanisms in the psyche that prevent happiness. Therefore, there are several recommendations on how to fix this.


Don't try to relieve pain

If there is a betrayal, trust is undermined, but there is a desire to preserve the relationship for various reasons - the pain should not be reduced, but experienced with a partner. It means fleeting weakness, not regular binges.

If you try to drown out the offense, hide it - it will still not go anywhere, but will wait for a convenient hour to strike at the most inopportune moment. Therefore, it is possible to arrange an interrogation of the partner as everything was, why he / she did it, to bring to a sincere conversation. Thus, he will ease the soul and she will throw out emotions.

Naturally, one cannot get rid of here at once. There will still be suspicions, uncertainty. But this can be overcome over time.

Work on yourself

If a person notices that there are no objective reasons for mistrust, but it is still present, then the answers must be sought in oneself. To overcome negative experiences, it is not recommended to start a new relationship earlier than a year or two. Give the nervous system time to breathe.

Everyone has complexes, but if any of them really interferes with life, then he needs to give a real fight and emerge victorious. To do this, you need to determine what exactly prevents you from falling asleep at night and feeling anxious.

Suspiciousness can only be defeated by sincerity and a clear conscience. Come to the understanding that life is wasted if it is spent on creating and looking for enemies. Even long lived years are devalued if a person has not learned to love. And it doesn't matter how much money, cars and yachts he has.

Pathological jealousy is not a sentence. A person can always find the strength and resources to become better. Many suffer from self-doubt, so there is no need to be afraid and ashamed of this fact in yourself. Recognizing the disease is already the beginning of healing.

It is important to observe a sense of proportion in everything. For example, it is important to fight your own unhealthy jealousy, but letting the other half of the liberty in dealing with the opposite sex will be a big omission.


Learning to love and accept a person for who he is. To commit selfless acts for a partner from a position of strength, not service. Positions of power from servility may have common actions, but their motives are diametrically opposed. When a person does an act from a position of strength, he is driven by a motive - I can, it’s not difficult for me, he / she will be pleased, I don’t need anything in return. He did and forgot. Usually there is inspiration from a good deed.

Compliance is a form of self-deprecation. When a person does a seemingly good deed, but does not do it casual, but in expectation to receive something in return. In other words, it builds relationships according to the commodity-money principle. If he does not receive anything, he suffers from resentment, receives - he suffers from the subconscious severity of hypocrisy.

Therefore, the most important component of the quality of trust in a relationship is the ability to give selflessly. It makes the person free and strong.

Overall, trust in a relationship takes a long way. And its roots do not lie in a partner, but in a person who wants to receive it. Naturally, playing with one goal will not be interesting, that is, trying and not getting anything in return.

All the charm and complexity lies in mutual cooperation. But one of the partners can set an example and the other half will definitely pull up and reciprocate. After all, trust is a consequence of a long relationship. If they managed to be preserved until the birth of children, acquired property, a common history, then there was the necessary passion and warmth between them, therefore a disinterested attitude towards each other and tolerance would be an excellent springboard for taking this peak.

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