Table of contents:
- Do not assume that your ex was “the one” i
- Don't Build Your Life Around Relationships2
- Analyze how your partner behaves with you3
- Remember that breaking up is not your fault or your fault
- Don't idealize past relationships4
Video: Psychologist's Advice: How To Stop Loving Someone You Love Very Much
Most relationships don't end by mutual agreement. More often than not, the feelings of one of the partners grow cold, while the feelings of the other are still strong. If you thought that your love would be eternal, but now suffer from parting, know: you are not alone. Everyone is unhappily in love at least once in his life. Everyone asks himself at least once: how to stop loving a person whom you love very much?
The content of the article
- 1 Do not assume that your ex was "the one and only"
- 2 Don't build your life around relationships.
- 3 Analyze how your partner behaves with you
- 4 Remember that breaking up is not your fault or your fault.
- 5 Don't idealize past relationships
Living with grief from an unexpected breakup is difficult. But it's even harder to let go of past relationships and move forward if you still love your ex. Happy memories and lingering feelings make you hope that someday the relationship will resume.
Why do people continue to love their ex, even if the feeling is painful? Why is losing a relationship so difficult? Many want to let go of the past, but just don't know how to do it.
Dr. Randy Gunther has worked as a psychologist for forty years. She consulted people who had relationship problems. One of the most common tragedies that clients turned to her were non-reciprocal feelings.
In 2018, Dr. Gunther wrote an article for Psychology Today, summarizing her professional experience and that of her patients. Dr. Gunther advises to rethink 5 things, how to stop loving a guy or a girl, get over a breakup and let go of the past.
Do not assume that your ex was “the one” i
After a long search, do you believe that you have finally found a partner with whom you would like to spend the rest of your life? It seemed that you were the perfect match for each other, and you began to think that happily ever after with this person is not just a fantasy. Your partner has repeatedly assured you that he feels the same way.
Now, looking back, you are wondering: were you as perfect in your partner's eyes as he is in yours? What did he really think about your relationship? Have you been overly optimistic about the relationship? Is it possible that there were problems that you did not pay attention to, considering them unimportant?
If you put all your strength into the relationship, gave your partner all the love you were capable of, then you will inevitably be confused and crushed when the partner unexpectedly leaves you.
The partner will disappear, but your feelings for him, which you so diligently nourished and nurtured, will remain. To deal with them more easily, it is enough to remind yourself of simple things.
People have multiple partners throughout their lives, and research shows that every next partner we meet is better for us than the last. Therefore, do not think that you have missed your destiny.
Your life is not a romantic story. Don't let the popular fairy tales about one eternal love take away your right to happiness. Even if you are in love now and think that you do not need anyone else, remember: one day you will have other partners, and you will be happy with them. And firmly decide that you want to forget your ex, not bring him back!
Don't Build Your Life Around Relationships2
Are you the kind of person who gives yourself entirely to new relationships? When you fall in love, do you forget about your daily chores, social connections, your dreams and career ambitions, focusing entirely on your feelings for your partner?
Consider if your relationship has overshadowed other equally important parts of your life? Have you become less likely to interact with family and friends as you entered a relationship? Have your friends told you that you disappear from their radar when you fall in love with each other: do not make appointments, do not write or call? Perhaps you think that in a relationship a person can find everything they need, and interactions with other people are not that important when you have a partner?
How to stop loving a person if you have long believed that nothing is more important than a relationship? And if you have also built around a partner your whole life, it will be very difficult for you to get rid of attachment after breaking up.
To make it easier to get over the breakup, try to repair the lost social connections. Spend the weekend with friends, visit your parents. Make new acquaintances if you can't make old contacts. Let other people into your life so you don't feel lonely.
When you start your next relationship, try not to get locked into it. One partner physically cannot provide you with as much communication and support as all your friends and family put together. Remember that there are many other important people in your life and in your partner's life.
Keep in touch with them and encourage your partner to do so. This will help maintain a stable emotional environment in the relationship and not become dependent on a lover or beloved.
Analyze how your partner behaves with you3
If one of your parents suddenly appeared in your life, then disappeared without warning, in adulthood you may be unconsciously drawn to partners who behave in a similar way. If you are used to keeping love for someone who is being unfair and irresponsible to you, you probably won't be able to extricate yourself from an obsolete relationship when the time comes.
Remember, your loyalty has a price. Don't waste your mental strength on a partner who dumps you, then comes back, and also cannot define the boundaries of your relationship and give you the confidence and security that you deserve.
Don't make excuses for your partner's behavior, don't blame yourself for leaving again and again. Think about how your relationship is not going well even when your partner is around you. You can be happy together, but that doesn't negate the fact that your partner doesn't care about your feelings the rest of the time.
Don't try to convince yourself that you are imagining a problem for yourself and that in fact everything is in order in your relationship. Your partner's withdrawal makes you anxious, and this is an adequate response to which you are entitled.
If you are trying to let go of past attachments, but cannot stop waiting for your partner back, try seeking help from a psychologist. Or use the tips in our next article on how to forget your ex!
Remember that breaking up is not your fault or your fault
After a breakup, you may feel as if the pain will never subside, and you will never be able to love someone again and trust someone. These are natural feelings, and it's normal to experience them for a while after a breakup. But your grief will be destructive and long-lasting if you take on all the blame for ending the relationship.
Don't idealize past relationships4
How to stop loving a person when you constantly think about the traits of your partner that you liked? Remember the happy moments that you experienced together, and sort out the reasons why you cherished this relationship and did not want to break it off.
The relationship is over, but your heart still holds admiration for your partner, shared memories, and dreams of the future. Do you remember how happy you were in this relationship; remember that your partner made you feel needed and valuable.
While grieving over broken relationships, you may unknowingly idealize them. Force yourself to remember not only the good, but also the bad moments that were between you and your ex. Remind yourself of the negative aspects of the relationship, the words that hurt you, and the actions that hurt you.
This may seem petty or unworthy, and it can also be difficult for you to change the direction of your thoughts. But this approach will actually help you get over the breakup easier.
You will be surprised when you realize how many unpleasant moments you can remember. People are not completely compatible, and there are misunderstandings, disagreements, quarrels between any partners.
It's hard not to idealize past relationships if you were in love and happy with them. Remind yourself that you broke up with the average person, not with the love of your life and your only chance of happiness.
Don't try to think of your bond with your partner as a romantic story with a sad ending. You may have had a special relationship, but remember that they are not the last in your life: one day you will establish a strong unique connection with someone else, you will be happy and loved.
How to stop loving a person you love very much? People often say that time will help get over non-reciprocity or breakup. Less often - about the fact that close people who remained in your life will save you from a sense of loneliness.
But hardly anyone will tell you that you can rethink and change your expectations from a romantic relationship. If you don't think of love as a magical adventure of a lifetime, the breakup won't be as devastating for you. And about how to understand that you have stopped loving and there is no more attachment, read the article at the link.