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Video: How To Maintain A Lifetime Relationship - 6 Tips That Work
There are couples who can carry love, happiness and harmony through the years. It seems as if nothing can disturb their peace. Therefore, even at 70 and 80 years old, they walk by the hand and look with the same loving, young eyes. How do they do it? No magic or secrets, just a few rules.
The content of the article
- 1 Why everything falls apart
- 2 How to save everything
In some couples, even conflicts, disputes never arise, but that's not even the point. And happy lovers do not always agree in opinion, but at the same time they manage to resolve them in such a way that they are not deposited in the mind or heart, and therefore do not poison their future life. This is a kind of skill, to see the relationship in a special way, to do special things, in which, in fact, there is nothing complicated.
Why does everything fall apart
To understand how to maintain love and unity for life, you first need to understand why couples break up.
Psychotherapists are sure that the reason lies in the fact that people do not know what the psychology of relationships is. That is, they do not understand themselves, in their beloved, they do not know about the peculiarities of the partner, his passions, desires, often hidden deep inside.
Even when married, it can be difficult for men and women to talk openly about sex because of constraint or shame. This leads not only to problems in bed, mutual understanding and trust suffers.
Another reason is the parental example, traditions, stereotypes, everything that does not allow a couple to build their own, suitable system of relationships. Modern people have been affected by the transition period in history, when one value system replaced another. The patriarchal way of life began to give up its positions, but a partnership model has not yet taken shape in marriage.
Children living in that era, who were just starting families, did not understand what to do. Parents advised one thing, society - another, or there was nothing to rely on at all. So it turned out either a very strange chimera, created from two opposite models, or in general a third, which included many problems. And young people who became parents showed an unsuccessful example to their children, and those to theirs, and so on.
Conflicts, or rather the inability to resolve them, also affects the fact that love ends. Here's how to do it right.
How to save everything2
Ability to quarrel
Happy couples never go to bed with resentment, they don't say “forget it” or “forget it,” they use fights to make the relationship even better. This does not mean that the lovers swear on purpose, just if this happens, then they figure out how and why the conflict occurred and what to do to avoid its repetition in the future.
You should not just take and "drain" the conflict, it will not be extinguished to the end, and a new flame will ignite from the spark.
Ability to speak
The most important thing is to speak. It would seem that it could be simpler, sit and speak. Only now you need to not only express your opinion, but also listen to what your partner says. Communication should be open, without hiding even the smallest details. Insufficient words will not be able to establish contact and strengthen the connection. On the contrary, they lead to collapse.
Love can be imagined as a house of cards: If you don't say something, you pull out one card from it. It seems to be still standing, but already shaking. And so, card after card, concealment after concealment, the support disappears and everything collapses.
Work on yourself
For a relationship to be healthy, you yourself need to be psychologically healthy, to be able to maintain internal balance and create harmony, to become better.
Self-awareness is formed from childhood, it is influenced by parents, their communication with each other, with the child, even with others. All the experience gained in the past is carried over into adulthood, influencing how a person will establish contact with someone.
It is great if the parents' marriage was happy and the child was able to learn useful lessons. But while it is rather a rarity, more often the baggage of knowledge from childhood includes erroneous scenarios, behavior patterns, sometimes even psychological trauma. This can be due to quarrels between mom and dad, infidelity, attempts to manipulate a spouse or child, divorce. In the future, this will certainly affect the future family, if you do not start working on yourself and the "trauma" you have received.
Do not break each other
Man and woman are completely different, but at the same time they are absolutely equal. This will have to be understood if you want to create a harmonious connection. Many even know about it, but do not realize or do not accept. It often happens that he tries to adjust her for himself, and she tries to adjust it for herself. As a result, someone, or even both at once, simply break down, cannot withstand the pressure.
But it's not for nothing that they say that men are from Mars, and women are from Venus, their psychology and body are really different. To maintain a happy relationship, you need to learn to understand how a life partner is arranged, his thoughts, desires, needs, how he reacts to stressful, conflict situations, even physiological characteristics.
You will have to spend time to study everything, and most importantly to understand. But you need to develop and learn, without this long-term perspective in love will not work.
Don't make your happiness dependent on someone else
In search of their own well-being, people tend to create ideals that they seek to find. They think that now, "I will marry and everything will be fine," thus, a person ties happiness to someone. He or she literally shifts the responsibility to the beloved, all the hopes are only on him.
This leads to expectations and dreams, which do not always manage to come true. When the dream breaks on the stones of reality, when the partner does not correspond to the image created in the head, problems begin that lead to a break.
Falling in love first comes, for which the neurotransmitter dopamine is responsible, but it tends to dry out over time. This is not scary, because instead of it, a connection arises between people, which is influenced by the hormone oxytocin, which is responsible for attachment. It is generated during intimacy: emotional and sexual.
A man and a woman should spend time together as often as possible, find joint hobbies, engage in some hobby together, and even just talk. So everyone will gradually open up, learn to trust, feel closeness, including spiritual. This will release oxytocin, increase attachment and bond.
Whoever says what, sex is essential for a happy relationship. Firstly, during it, many beneficial hormones are produced, including the very same dopamine - the hormone of happiness, which leads to even greater convergence. Second, sex is itself a moment of deepest emotional intimacy.
When two more people will be just as strongly attracted to each other, if not during intercourse. The main thing is that it be real, with the manifestation of desires, so that you want, and not because it is necessary. Such sex will not bring pleasure and will not make you happy.
To create a strong, happy couple, and in the future a family, you need to develop yourself, relationships and, most importantly, do it together with your partner. No one forbids wanting more, but you need to be able to be grateful and rejoice for what you already have, especially your beloved.