What Is Homophobia In Simple Terms And Why Is It Bad?

What is homophobia really? It is generally accepted that this is only a fear of gay culture in general. It is often written that girls are less homophobic, because they go to gay hairdressers and wear clothes from fashion designers who also prefer guys. This is fundamentally wrong. After all, this phenomenon has nothing to do with the acceptance or rejection of gay culture.

The content of the article

• 1 Does it happen to girls?
• 2 being afraid of being known as a lesbian
• 3 Why quite ordinary girls become homophobes
• 4 Girls and gays
• 5 Homophobia and men
• 6 Why homophobia is bad
• 7 Why homophobia is a litmus test

Homophobia is the fear of becoming gay yourself or of looking like that in the eyes of the general public. This is social fear. Its appearance is due to the fact that people live in society, and in it they also find friends and partners.

Do girls have this? I

In the past, social psychologists even used the term “soft lesbians”. These are friends who send each other valentines, sms about love, flowers, gifts, sometimes hug and kiss. But they do not get to sex because both girls prefer men. “Soft” lesbians have boyfriends, they get married, but they continue to be friends. Such a relationship is considered a variant of the norm.

Many even find it cute. By the way, such things are common not only in the West and in our country, but also in more conservative countries. Even where women cover their faces, close friendship with a touch of love between girls is considered quite normal.

It would seem that women cannot be homophobic by definition. Society does not condemn them, even if sometimes they look like lesbians. But there is a clear line between "cute" and sexual behavior, and real gay relationships. If a girl hugs a girl in a club in the spirit of "soft porn" - that's fine. But if at the same time she sews the guys off, then rumors about her will already begin to spread, and the representatives of the "stronger sex" themselves.

Afraid of being known as a lesbian2

The girl is a system administrator. She wears her hair in a ponytail, wears T-shirts, jeans and sneakers, and is more interested in IT than fashion and beauty. Everyone is sure that she is a lesbian. At work, even jokes about this are no longer allowed. Meanwhile, the girl lives with a boyfriend, and they have a very ordinary family and even have one child. The heroine of the story is not afraid to be branded as a lesbian, because she has no time for public opinion, she pays a mortgage, and saves up to open her own gadget store.

But the second heroine is dating girls. She is very feminine and wears dresses, heels and floral perfume. Every day he does makeup, manicure and smokes thin cigarettes. No living person identifies her with the stereotypical masculine lesbian from movies or books. At the same time, the girl is panicky afraid that her "dirty secret" will be revealed, constantly talks at work about her girlfriend as a boyfriend, and in the family she is just a friend.

The third heroine is the second's partner. She is completely ordinary, and does not hide from her family that she is dating a woman. She does not wear a Finnish lumberjack shirt, flat boots and short hair. She just meets with a woman and waits for her to stop being homophobic.

So you don't have to be straight to be homophobic and vice versa.

Why Regular Girls Become Homophobes3

It would seem that we are not living in the 18th century. Nowadays, most do not care who sleeps with whom, and why they do it. As long as the process takes place by mutual agreement, and without drama, nobody cares about it. Girls usually become homophobic due to:

• Education and environment. Parents instill from childhood that a girl should look a certain way, behave like a girl, not engage in tough sports, study in a humanitarian university, bake pies and meet boys. And those who do differently face public censure, problems and a ton of negativity;
• Having feelings for girls, and desires to suppress them. No wonder they say that most of all those who cook in it completely and completely are fixated on this topic. If a young girl is attracted to her friend and cannot survive it in any way, she will focus on lesbians, scold their images in pop culture, deny her attraction in every possible way, and even start a guy. For show he will walk with him, kiss, but they will not get to something serious. Or only disappointment will be serious;
• Problems in relationships with people in general. Guys, girls, it doesn't matter. A girl can grow up as a social phobia due to some family problems or personal experiences. Either her school was bad, where children were humiliated and bullied, or something else. In general, it doesn't matter what, but a girl needs a psychologist, since her homophobia borders on xenophobia and rejection of people as a biological species

There are also difficult cases. Sex workers who portray lesbians for shows, photos, or videos, as well as rich men who love watching lesbians often hate women. They acquire persistent homophobia, as they associate lesbian sex with unpleasant and traumatic activities.

Girls and gays4

Someone thinks that having a gay friend is cool and glamorous. So he makes such friends solely for the sake of fashion. They themselves are not interested in people, they just need to close the "column" in the "gay friend" profile to look modern and stylish. There are a lot of them, and some of them consider them homophobes, because this behavior is not normal, especially when you consider that a person and personality is not completely determined by sexual orientation.

Others, on the contrary, avoid gays, shun them, and blame them openly. There are many options here, from religious subcultures, whose representatives deny everything that is not indicated in the sacred texts, to just girls from villages and from working-class suburbs. There are even cases of open insults and "showdowns".

Important: in European countries, the very indication of "competition" for a man between a woman and a gay guy is considered homophobic. Europeans are taught that all people are equal, and even if we are talking about a love triangle, a girl is not a priority, due to the fact that her attraction is natural.

Homophobia and men5

Here we have classic cases. If girls usually show themselves softer, then male homophobia is the “standard” intolerance and fear of being branded as gay. It can be expressed in a lot of different actions.

There are guys who don't go to the hairdresser and don't take care of their nails. Even in cold, windy weather, they will not use hygienic lipstick, and from their cosmetics they only have soap or shower gel, and even that if mom or girl buys it. Such guys deliberately do not follow fashion, in their free time they wear only jeans and a T-shirt for 10 years, and trample their favorite sneakers.

Film "What Women Want"

They certainly won't go to a stylist, or even a men's fashion store. At the mention of a barbershop with them, you can get a completely direct blow to the jaw, and different care products for them are taboo.

The only acceptable option for "men's cosmetics" is sports. These are usually involved in martial arts, or some kind of power sports not related to bodybuilding. In the subculture of such guys, bullying of bodybuilders because of "potential gayness" is a whole trend. On this topic, entire publics have been created on social networks that make fun of men striving for aesthetics and their sport.

Such a guy is homophobic by nature, he is afraid to even hint at expressing belonging to the world of beauty and fashion. The only moment when we can see him in an "awkward" situation with makeup or nail care is if he has a daughter and she decides that she should embellish her dad.

Children "the most courageous" also broadcast similar behavior, sons are often raised very harshly, and daughters idolize. It is with such fathers that teenagers, due to protest, become very controversial goths, emo or cosplayers who dress almost in women's clothes.

Homophobic men often manifest themselves in seemingly distant areas:

• Don't dance. This has been ridiculed quite well by modern musicians, but nevertheless, in any club you will find guys who methodically get drunk at the counter, then meet girls, and leave into the night. It will be lucky if with the girls, and not in the department with the police after the fight;
• Refuse-looking decent jobs in a supermarket, clothing store, or even electronics. Say, all the places there were taken by gay boys in trousers with cuffs and short socks. No comment;
• They will never go to the cinema for melodramas in their life, even with a girl. They will give money for a ticket, and let me go with a friend. But to go together, no way. The same goes for shops;
• A special stage is when a guy does not cook, does not clean up after himself, and does not wash, since all these activities are female, and if he does them, he will automatically become effeminate. You should stay as far away from these guys as possible. Unless, of course, they do not "finish" the twentieth million and their housekeeper does not clean the house.

Why homophobia is bad6

This phenomenon is as terrible as national, religious hatred or hatred of women as "low" beings. All this "bouquet" accompanies a low cultural level, so-so upbringing and education, which was received in a vocational school, or rather, standing with a cigarette behind the garage next to him.

People who are not very educated and well-mannered usually “look for the extreme”. It will be gays, lesbians, government, women, men or someone else - it doesn't matter. When dealing with such, it is important to understand that:

1. This person cannot take responsibility for any problems in his life;
2. He does not concentrate on any positive moments, but is in an eternal search for the guilty;
3. He cannot pull himself together and begin to solve problems, it is more convenient for him to hate others, and it does not matter who;
4. The person does not see his real problems. He masks fears and insecurities under the guise of hatred "towards the wrong people." Such people do not go to psychologists, do not want to understand, and consider negativity as the norm;
5. In men, homophobia often comes with deep depression about their place in life and the inability or unwillingness to improve it. Such people believe that they owe everything - the government, politicians, others. But they can't take courses to get a new job, they won't even think about moving, and they won't want to change anything in their lives.

Why homophobia is a litmus test

A healthy person is busy solving his real problems. If he was not hired in a coffee shop, but hired - a guy with a neat haircut and polished nails, he will wash his jeans, cut his hair and file his "claws" before going to another interview. Not very healthy, will tell his girlfriend that the new barista is gay, like the manager of the coffee shop, and together they are a strong same-sex family.

It's the same with almost any situation. Do you want to be feminine? Be, it is not necessary at the same time to run on a 12 cm stiletto heel all the time and with full make-up. Femininity is about compassion, gentleness, tact, nurturing, and not panic at the sight of jeans and a plaid shirt.

Want to be successful? You have to work, earn extra money, study, study even more, if the first education was not useful, and constantly look for a better place for yourself. If instead you sit around and hate gays and lesbians, and fear to become like them, the problems will not be solved.

In normal societies, hatred of minorities is condemned. In European law, this phenomenon is on the same blackboard as xenophobia, racism and sexism. And all this together are the unfavorable manifestations of a low-organized society, and they are prohibited by law and not approved by morality.

In our country, this or that variant of homophobia is a social norm. Despite the fact that no one pounces on "fighters for normal relations" and does not incline them to same-sex sex, they continue to advance their positions. Solving his problems instead of spreading hatred towards others, a person builds both a better society and a better himself.