Table of contents:
- What does coming out mean: "Always be in a mask, my destiny" i
- What does coming out mean or how it all began … 2
- How does the come-out process work? 3
- How to come out 4
- LGBT parents and children5
- Life after coming out 6
- Examples of coming out 7
Video: How Is Coming Out Translated And What Does It Mean In Slang
The LGBT world … Strange, mysterious and unacceptable for many. The world of other people, other love, other relationships. People of a different orientation live nearby, and the immediate environment does not even know about their nature. Gays, lesbians, trances … Society does not accept them, rejects them, persecutes them, forcing them to remain in the shadows. And only a few find the strength to open up to the world: they decide to come out.
The content of the article
- 1 What does coming out mean: "Always be in a mask, my destiny"
- 2 What does coming out mean or how it all began …
- 3 How does the come-out process take place?
- 4 How to come out
- 5 LGBT parents and children
- 6 Life after coming out
- 7 Examples of coming out
What does coming out mean: "Always be in a mask, my destiny" i
What does coming out mean is known only to representatives of sexual minorities. Translated from English, this means "exit", "opening". Coming out is an entirely voluntary process. This is human desire and nothing more. Forced disclosure of personal information, for example, through a lawsuit, is not. Moreover, exposure of personal life by a third party is punishable by law. In other words, coming out is the voluntary disclosure of one's sexual orientation or transgender identity. The meaning of "debut" also takes place.
In contrast to this term, the process of "outing" means disclosing a person's personal life against his will. As a result, society's intolerance towards such a situation is immediately transferred to professional activities and the social sphere. A process of discrimination arises, which significantly complicates the quality of life.
"Glass cabinet" - a term that is not at all on hearing. This phrase characterizes a person whose belonging everyone knows or guesses, but he did not make official recognition.
The exit process is very difficult from the point of view of psychology and morality. Many members of the LGBT community prefer not to reveal their secrets. After all, "discovery" can affect the quality of their life. And although the modern community is increasingly tolerant of LGBT people, certain difficulties continue to prevent these people from leading a calm lifestyle. This is especially true for ordinary representatives of the middle social stratum.
What does coming out mean or how it all began … 2
How many years mankind has existed, so much time there are people of a different orientation. The process of emerging from the shadows has existed for the same period. But, for the first time, Karl Heinrich Ulrichs spoke about this in 1869. He was a German lawyer and journalist. He was also a defender of sexual minorities. It was he who was the first to offer to live openly. In 1906, this concept was continued by Ivan Blokh, a general practitioner. In 1914, sexologist Magnus Hirschfeld took up the idea.
Karl Heinrich Ulrichs
He suggested informing the police about his sexual identity of officials in order to influence society and legislation. Later, they periodically returned to the debut theme, but the phrase passed from argot to terminology in the late 1950s with the help of psychologist Evelyn Hooker. And in the 1960s, Frank Kameni, an astronomer, became the first gay activist.
How does the come-out process work? 3
The “exit” process begins long before the full opening. It is preceded by four phases.
For the first time, a person feels his difference from other people even before the onset of puberty. Boys tend to play girly, tend to identify with girls. While girls prefer boyish behavior. Many parents do not suspect that their child is different until the signs become clearer. But even then they continue to blame everything on character traits. Few people turn to a psychologist, because a boy with a doll or a girl with a gun are not yet able to clearly distinguish between their needs, and even more so directly declare their preferences due to their lack of awareness of their personality.
Falls in adolescence. At this time, the child already knows almost everything about the sexual life of adults and is able to distinguish heterosexuality and homosexuality. At this age, doubts about their heterosexuality first appear.
This period is the most difficult in a person's life. Typically, accepting your identity is difficult. It is during this period that a large number of suicides occur due to the understanding of the hostility of society. Those who have crossed the threshold of accepting their own characteristics move to the final stage of identification.
At this stage, a person fully accepts his new "I". He considers himself to be a member of sexual minorities and builds a new line of life in society.
All these complex processes are completed by the age of 16-18. Moreover, boys begin to understand their orientation much later. Sexual contact with persons of the same sex occurs before they realize their homosexuality. Girls, on the contrary, begin to guess about their preferences much earlier than the first sexual experience.
How to come out 4
For those who decide to make an exit debut, psychologists advise to observe several rules that will make the process less painful.
As the first listener, you need to choose the person who is most trusted. These can be parents, close relatives or friends. No need to hurry. It is necessary to test the waters, study forums, communicate with those who have already passed this path. Don't start a conversation in a homophobic environment.
Even though the 21st century is in the yard, but the "denseness" of society cannot but amaze. You need to be prepared for the fact that you will have to come out all the time. This includes booking a hotel room, and dinner parties, and other situations when you have to appear with your partner. So you won't be able to exit once. You will have to face such a need every day.
Homophobia is common in society. You cannot react sharply to criticism. People's behavior depends on their upbringing, not on race or nationality. Therefore, you just need to abstract from human anger. After all, the main thing has already been done: acceptance and awareness of your "I".
What is the need for this
Before deciding on such a step, it is worth weighing the pros and cons. This recognition has many pros and cons. On the one hand, it will become easier, because wearing a mask all the time is unbearable. On the other hand, one must be prepared for discrimination and rejection. The consequences can be very different. Therefore, having thought through everything to the smallest detail, it is important to understand your readiness to challenge society.
The readiness for the opening is determined by the absence of fear of possible consequences. You should not start the exit process if there is no way to be completely independent of your close environment. The likelihood of a calm reaction from the same parents is very low. Therefore, if you cannot support yourself on your own due to age or other factors, it is better to postpone the debut.
Psychologists advise choosing the time for confession carefully. It is not worth informing about your orientation during stressful situations. These include holidays and fights. Better to choose another time for the conversation.
LGBT parents and children5
The most difficult part of the come-out process is the relationship between parents and children. As a rule, the former are unaware of the true state of affairs. The discovery comes as a shock to them. A negative assessment of what is happening only aggravates the child's situation. Parents should take into account that at such a moment the son or daughter is in the greatest stress.
Statistics show that teenagers who decide to come out find it much easier to survive a conversation with friends, and regardless of the result. The situation is different with parents. Not everyone is capable of an adequate reaction, because, having heard from their child a confession about homosexuality or transgenderness, they understand that the usual algorithm, wedding and grandchildren, is no longer available to them.
Plus, condemnation of others, unnecessary curiosity and other negative aspects. It is important for parents to remember that it is during this period that the greatest number of suicides among adolescents falls. Moreover, the main figure falls on LGBT children.
After the confession, the parents need to take time out. You cannot jump to conclusions. After all, they do not become such, they are born that way. As the famous Russian psychologist, psychotherapist and psychiatrist Dmitry Isaev says: “Sexual orientation cannot be imposed or treated. It is as much a biological sign as eye shape or hair color."
It is very difficult to accept your child as another person. If necessary, it is recommended to talk to a psychologist. But trying to heal is not worth it. Even if it was decided to start reparative therapy. This method of treatment is banned in many medical communities due to its ineffectiveness, and amounts to a violation of human rights.
Most adolescents, due to their youthful maximalism, decide to come out at once, under the influence of emotions. They feel they can cope with the consequences, but the reality is that such an act is unsettling, and it is almost impossible to cope with the consequences. Therefore, before you go for it, you need to find out if there are services in the city, such as a helpline, that will help you cope with negativity. One-on-one struggle with society is pointless and fraught.
Life after coming out 6
After making a debut, you need to understand that life is fundamentally changing. This action has both positive and negative sides. But, nevertheless, living in a mask is even worse. In general, a person with a different orientation is noticeable to others. Everything changes: gait, intonation, speech, gestures. Few people manage to successfully camouflage their preferences.
Therefore, the option in which everyone guesses, but is not directly sure, may be much preferable to recognition. If we talk about the “exit” that occurs in the middle social strata, somewhere on the periphery of the country, in an ordinary person, then you need to understand that the consequences can have disastrous results. Therefore, you should think 100 times before deciding on this important step.
Examples of coming out 7
The first coming out was made by the poet Robert Duncan. The result of his recognition was his dismissal from the army. It happened in 1941. He was the first to declare that homosexuals are an oppressed minority.
Famous businessmen of large corporations
Peter Thiel is the founder and ex-CEO of PayPal. Now he is the President of Clarium Capital.
Tim Cook is the CEO of Apple. His confession was made in an interview with Bloomberg Businessweek magazine. The article with his debut was published on October 30, 2014.
Representatives of the media space
The pioneer in the "star" world is David Bowie. In 1972, he announced his gay orientation.
Elton John declared his bisexuality in 1976. The consequences were devastating. The sales of his CDs dropped incredibly, as did the singer's ratings. Despite marrying a cover-up with his assistant, it was Elton John who became an example of openness to many singers and musicians. He was the first to formally marry his friend David Vershnir. The ceremony took place on December 21, 2005.
Neil Tennant of the Pet Shop Boys made a big hit in 1994.
Ricky Martin made an official recognition of his belonging to the LGBT community on March 29, 2010.
Ian McKelen, who plays Gandalf in The Lord of the Rings trilogy, came out in 1988. It happened during the controversy on the BBC channel on the bill banning the promotion of homosexuality.
Rupert Everett, Best Friend's Wedding, Inspector Gadget, Quiet Don, declared his homosexuality in 1988.
Jodie Foster, an actress, came out of the shadows at the 2013 Golden Globe Awards.
Tessa Thompson, declared her bisexuality in 2018.
This is not a complete list of famous people who have decided on public recognition.
There are also celebrities in Russia who have made recognition. Boris Moiseev was one of the first to take this step. He openly declared his orientation in 1992, but already in 2010 renounced his words, explaining that he went for it for the sake of popularity.
On September 17, 2015, the confession was made by a priest, teacher of the Samara Theological Seminary, Hieromonk Amfian (Artem Vechelovsky). Currently residing with his friend in the UK to avoid persecution.
Vladimir Veselkin, singer, member of the AuktsYon group, declared his bisexuality in 1991.
Eva Polna, singer, came out in 2001.
Boris Burdaev, the lead singer of the Brothers Grimm group, came out of the shadows in 2009.
Yulia Volkova, the lead singer of the Tatu group, announced her bisexuality in 2012.
Actor Alexey Panin made an official recognition in 2013.
As you can see from this, far from being a complete list of celebrities, the problem of gay people is quite acute in society, and the question of what it means to come out in the life of ordinary people still does not find a concrete answer. An ambiguous attitude towards the LGBT community generates a lot of negativity towards persons with homosexual inclinations. Only one thing is important: non-traditional sexual orientation is only a part of intimate life that has nothing to do with the person's personality itself.