What Is Victim Blaming And Why The Victim Is To Blame

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What Is Victim Blaming And Why The Victim Is To Blame
What Is Victim Blaming And Why The Victim Is To Blame

Video: What Is Victim Blaming And Why The Victim Is To Blame

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Video: Victim Blaming 2023, February

The term victimblaming, most likely, was not heard by everyone, but the saying “if the bitch doesn’t want to, the dog will not jump up” or the very simple “asked for it” is heard much more often. The most surprising thing is that many agree with them.

The content of the article

  • 1 We all come from childhood
  • 2 What happens next?
  • 3 Weak or Strong Sacrifice?
  • 4 Power of public opinion
  • 5 Can the victim really be guilty?
  • 6 Is Victimblaming an everyday reality for us?

Victimblaming is an accusation of a victim that she herself is to blame in whole or in part for the trouble that happened to her. It is customary in society, especially when it comes to domestic violence, to justify someone who raises a hand against a woman. It sounds crazy, but somehow it is. What makes the victim believe she is at fault? How do you manage to convince a person of sound mind and memory that they deserve pain, violence or humiliation?

Of course, psychologists are dealing with this issue, there are enough versions, let's try to figure it out.

We all come from childhood

Of course, normally, any attempt to use force, insult or violence should cause indignation, anger, anger in the victim, at worst - fear, but not guilt. What must happen for such a substitution of causes and effects to occur?

We will not consider the situation when the situation is repeated with each generation of women in the family. This, unfortunately, is obvious and all too common among certain segments of the population. We will talk about those who are from a “normal”, prosperous family and whose life never foreshadowed, at first glance, any problems.

The root of the problem should be sought in early childhood, when a girl, impressionable and well-bred, listens very well to her parents and other adults who like to repeat: "It is her own fault!" for every trouble that happens to her.

  • Dirty dress? So why wasn’t it neat, it’s her own fault!
  • Fell? You need to be careful, it's your fault!
  • Have you taken away a toy on the street? There is no need to drag with you outside, you have to play at home, it’s her own fault!
  • Are you sick? It is her own fault, she must dress warmer!

Everyone can recall dozens of such examples, if not hundreds. It is a habit of many parents to blame the child for what he could not really influence. They do this, of course, not from malice, but from their best intentions. They love their children and wish them only well.

However, the child develops a habit of taking responsibility for everything that happens to him. Of course, this is a commendable quality, adults do not get tired of admiring a child who controls everything and approaches his life very responsibly.

What happens next? 2

If the life of a grown-up child develops successfully, then only neuroses, heart disease, depression threaten him. As strange as it sounds, this is a really successful outcome, since all problems are treated by doctors and psychologists.

Where do such consequences come from? Imagine a child who is used to being to blame for everything. In addition, there are also constant messages:

  • you have to give in in quarrels with the younger ones, you are older;
  • you must obey your elders;
  • a teacher, an adult, a boss is always right;
  • you must be responsible for everything that happens to you;
Victimblaming what is it
Victimblaming what is it

There are a great many of these “shoulds”. For some, all these postulates are just some kind of guideline for a comfortable life in society, but for someone a direct guide to action. But if you can still, at the very least, control your own actions and events in your life (not to fall, not to get dirty, to dress warmly and not to get sick), then you will not be able to control others, all the more, you cannot influence society, the team at work, and external circumstances …

It will not always be possible to give in to the younger and obey the elders, far from every time the boss or one of the parents is right. A person is aware of this, but he cannot do anything with himself - the rules instilled in childhood sit very deeply. Most likely, he does not even understand that constant depression and dissatisfaction with life in general are caused by precisely this discrepancy between the model of "how it should be" and "how it really is."

But, as mentioned earlier, this is not the worst scenario. Sooner or later, a person will reach a psychologist or he will gradually sort out himself, and life, one way or another, will normalize.

Worse, when next to someone who is used to taking full responsibility for himself, someone appears who readily shifts his responsibility onto him. It sounds a little confusing, it's easier to explain with an example. Imagine that a girl who is raised with the knowledge that she is to blame for everything is getting married.

What is victimblaming
What is victimblaming

Her husband, on the contrary, is one of those who decided on their own or their parents taught that someone else is to blame for everything around. And so they found each other. Is your husband in trouble at work, a low salary, or was he fired altogether? The wife is to blame! Did he get drunk yesterday? Again the wife is to blame! He does not get tired of blaming her for everything, and she readily takes on this blame. Even if it doesn't come to assault, psychological abuse is already taking place.

Weak or strong victim? 3

Why, then, the one whose life is slowly but surely turning into hell does not flee from her? There are two possible situations here:

  • A psychologically weak person believes that “she is to blame for everything, it means she deserves it,” and simply suffers. And he will endure, most likely, all his life. If the problem continues to grow, and this is what happens most often, then it will endure until tragedy occurs.
  • The psychologically strong believes that for: "this is my life, I am responsible for everything that happens in it, and, therefore, for those with whom I live." Such a victim not only accepts responsibility for everything that happens, but also blames himself for losing control of the situation. It will also endure for a very long time. Something very serious has to happen for such a sacrifice to end the destructive relationship.

On the one hand, the causes of the problem lie in the same, the consequences are also the same, but the way out of this situation may be different.

Victim of violence
Victim of violence

Unfortunately, a psychologically weak person is not able to save himself. But there is one "but" here. If a woman has a child, or even more so, children, she has a chance of survival. All family conflicts, one way or another, concern children. No matter how hard the parents try to hide their showdown, sooner or later, the children will find out about everything. If only the father's behavior can somehow harm the children, the woman has a chance to be saved.

The fact is that maternal instinct is one of the most powerful factors that can influence a woman's behavior. If only the babies are in real danger, one day a woman can scoop up the children and run away. In this situation, the main thing is to have someone. It is important that the woman is understood and rescued, and not reassured and sent back to her husband "in the name of preserving the family."

A psychologically strong victim may one day change her mind herself. She will try to "save" the unfortunate man for a long time, but sooner or later, the cup of patience will overflow, and she will either leave or drive the completely insolent faithful out of the house. The main thing is that it is not too late and he does not physically harm her during the exile process. Although, such a woman can actually stand up for herself, if necessary.

And if the violence does not occur in the family, but in the company or even on the street?

The victim of violence is to blame
The victim of violence is to blame

Then again, both victims will only blame themselves for everything that happened. One “is to blame”: there was nothing to wear a short skirt, walk along a dark street alone, stay up late in the company. And the other "must herself": control the situation, anticipate danger, run fast, be able to fight back. No matter how wild it all sounds, they will find an excuse even for a drunk, who has lost his human face, who has become a brutal rapist, completely taking the blame for what happened.

Power of Public Opinion4

Unfortunately, the notorious "What will people say?", Killed many women. It is these women, who are brought up in the spirit of “it’s my own fault” or “I must”, turn out to be very dependent on the opinions of others. Still, they were brought up like that!

And the Russian mentality obliges you to endure and try to keep your family together. For a woman without a man will be lost. And children without a father feel bad. And in general, the women themselves are to blame for everything. She married a normal man, which means she brought her. And in general, so everyone, why show off? The list of these inferences is endless.

The worst thing is that, fearing condemnation, even women who are ready to seek help, risking their lives, endure to the last. But after the truth about the cruelty of a spouse comes out, society begins to pity and justify him! This is victimblaming. Often, after the “explanatory conversation”, it is proposed to reunite the family.

What does victimblaming mean?
What does victimblaming mean?

Unfortunately, it is after this that real tragedies occur. Even a badly beaten, or even murdered woman, society tends to blame for what happened. If the husband also drank, then he is generally recognized by society as an innocent victim. It is customary for us to feel sorry for drunks. National tradition. But we do not regret women, why should we feel sorry for them?

A victim of street violence is also condemned by society:

  • Why did she drive the unfortunate peasant into sin?
  • I suppose she flirted herself, and then she changed her mind and said that she had been raped.
  • Look, what a short skirt I put on and put on makeup.

Formulations sometimes seem to be the height of absurdity, however, they pass from mouth to mouth and are repeated with enviable regularity. This is partly why rapists often evade punishment - they are not even reported to the police. Anyone who got away with it once is unlikely to stop.

Could the victim really be the culprit?

Oddly enough, yes, it can.

Due to a variety of reasons, usually certain incidents in childhood or adolescence, the victim may feel a desire to feel violence, fear, humiliation, even beatings. It sounds absurd, but it is. This phenomenon is called masochism and is probably familiar to everyone. Masochists and their antipodes - sadists have long formed their own community and subculture, which they called BDSM.

Could the victim be at fault
Could the victim be at fault

Within the framework of such a relationship, all manifestations of violence or infliction of pain occur by mutual consent, within a strictly agreed framework and with full responsibility for the consequences of what is happening. People who practice BDSM are able to fully satisfy their needs without causing suffering to others. Why can't everyone do this?

The fact is that in order to realize that sexual preferences differ from the generally accepted ones, you need to at least think about them, analyze them. Unfortunately, not everyone can do it. And again, public opinion is not inclined in favor of sadomasochistic relations.

So it turns out that the victim herself provokes the partner into quarrels and scandals, after which sex seems really sweet. You can also try and get mad enough to hit.

But in this case, there is one significant "but": the victim needs such emotional shakes. After them, she does not feel unhappy, rather the opposite. And she certainly will never go to complain - she objectively realizes that in fact she is herself to blame, and is ready to bear the most severe punishment for this. You can do it more than once.

Perhaps this is the only option when the "victim" is really to blame.

Is Victimblaming an everyday reality for us? 6

Victimblaming in Russia influences our life much more than it seems. And it concerns not only victims of beatings and violence. Let's just remember the situations that everyone has encountered on themselves or other people:

Can the victim of violence be to blame?
Can the victim of violence be to blame?
  • Robbed in the crowd? Himself to blame, there is nothing to count the crows!
  • Seriously ill? Himself to blame, you need to monitor your health!
  • A special child was born in the family? Yes, the parents are to blame!
  • An elderly person fell and was injured? It is my own fault, it would be better to sit at home, and not stagger everywhere!

Sound familiar?

Participation in the persecution of victims, whether to increase the number of those who have to bear responsibility for something that cannot be controlled or prevented is a private matter for everyone. It is worth considering whether the person on whom the society is trying to blame is really guilty. And also - imagine if you yourself can be in the place of the culprit tomorrow.

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