Pride And Prejudice: Attitudes Hindering Finding Love

One of the most pressing questions for people of all ages is where in general you can find your love. “How to find your one and only?”, “Where are they found - the sexiest (most decent) girls?”, “How can I find a lover?” … This is not a complete list of questions that have not lost their relevance for years.

The content of the article

• 1 Was there a boy? A problem that doesn't exist
• 2 Prejudice and self-image
• 3 Prejudice and the search for love
• 4 What to do to find a partner?

Was there a boy? A problem that doesn't exist i

Psychologist Jeremy Nicholson of Chicago believes that much of this problem is contrived. “In fact, potential boyfriends, girlfriends, and mistresses go back and forth right under your nose. You simply do not notice them!"

Jeremy explains that there are several mental pitfalls that lead people to ignore potential partners - including those that would suit them best. These biases make people miss out on the juiciest options.

Prejudice and Self-Esteem2

The psychologist further explains that for the most part, people's behavior is based on their attitudes and beliefs. “We make choices almost automatically - this allows us to maintain our beliefs. Therefore, our image of ourselves remains intact. But this guarantee of safety is worth a lot,”explains the psychologist. Nicholson goes on to describe two major destructive attitudes that harm privacy:

Self-restraint. People have not yet started dating, but already consider this task impossible to accomplish. It seems too frightening to them; if they fail, then later this negative experience becomes the basis for justifying their inaction

“A simple example is a student who deliberately didn't get enough sleep on the eve of an important exam. He will explain his poor assessment by fatigue, not by the fact that he did not take up work,”says Jeremy.

Preliminary judgment. People can judge strangers negatively without even trying to find out who their counterpart is. “It also helps to maintain self-esteem. A person with subconscious self-doubt always strives to be exalted over others, which allows for a while to find a kind of feeling of "I". Because of this, entire groups of people may be viewed by us as "unworthy" or "inferior."

“And here you can also give a simple example from school life. For example, a student makes fun of classmates from less wealthy families. This allows him to feel special, strong and "better" than them. But in reality, self-doubt does not go away - it only continues to spoil life in adulthood."

Prejudice and the search for love 3

How important are these attitudes in finding a partner? "The most direct!" - the psychologist continues the interview. “You do not have time to approach the person you are interested in, and the brain is already beginning to build in your imagination insidious scenes of rejection and unfriendliness on the part of a stranger. And this vision of other people as "threatening" allows you to justify your own passivity.

But in order to just say hello or, say, ask for a hundred rubles in debt, you don't need to be a communication guru. Of course, it is always more convenient for us to be within our comfortable world - after all, in it we believe that someday, in the future, we will certainly get the consent of this person … But damn it, how will this happen without active actions?

“It’s no less dangerous to rate entire groups of people as“not good enough”. We allow ourselves to judge other people as if they must prove their personal worth to us. Of course, from the position of a judge, it is easy to inflate your “Ego”; but the question is - will it make us happier?"

What to do to find a partner? 4

Obviously, the main key to happiness in your personal life is working through destructive psychological beliefs. Jeremy provides several guidelines to help you deal with these settings.

If all people seem “intimidating”, you need to pay attention to your own self-esteem. “It's critical to find other ways to maintain your confidence that make you feel safe in the presence of other people. Including, of course, people of the opposite sex. Learn to take an interest in others. Master the art of casual conversation “about nature and weather”. Finally, you should never take rejection too personally.

If you find it difficult to find a person who meets the high bar of your requirements, you should pay attention to your biases. “First, talk to the person. Give it a chance. Do not give up new acquaintances because of the mess in your head that society has diligently brought to us for many years! There are worthy people among men and women, young and old, rich and poor, white and black."

Remember to keep an eye on your biases and self-image. And then it will become much easier to communicate with the opposite sex.