Table of contents:
- Our communication partners are like mirrors i
- Our contribution to relationships and a chance to change everything 2
- The psychological way to achieve the desired behavior 3
- Rewarding in Action 4
- Unintentional reinforcement5
- Basic rules of the method6
Down with dastardly psychological manipulations and attempts to get what you want from your partner by hook or by crook! We can treat our romantic partners much more humanely and still get what we want from them. And at the same time nip any difficulties in the bud. This psychological trick is called "give a cookie."
The content of the article
- 1 Our communication partners are like mirrors
- 2 Our contribution to relationships and a chance to change everything
- 3 The psychological way to achieve the desired behavior
- 4 Rewarding in action
- 5 Unintentional reinforcement
- 6 Basic rules of the method
Our communication partners are like mirrors i
Many of us are faced with the same scenario in a relationship: we begin to communicate with a person, we have fun and enjoyment. And now, 15 minutes after the start of the conversation, our interlocutor becomes nasty, boring and grumpy, like an old bazaar woman. This happens with friends and partners. They turn into real generators of irritation and boredom, and we don't even notice how this change occurs.
Our contribution to relationships and a chance to change everything 2
Do you know what is most surprising? This may contain a fair amount of our fault. Too often, we tend to blame others for our bad luck. Of course, it's so easy to point out other people's mistakes. However, we very rarely take a psychological position, which in psychology is called the funny word "causal": in other words, we consider ourselves as the cause of our own being.
The psychological way to achieve the desired behavior 3
The psychologist-sexologist from the USA Jeremy Nicholson suggests using the so-called "cookie method". Its essence lies in the fact that we, figuratively speaking, give our counterpart a cookie that will reinforce his desired behavior. Basically, this action includes pleasant gestures, words, various rewards in the form of gifts or delicious food. "Giving a cookie" is necessary only after the partner implements the desired behavior. Thus, the required behavioral model is fixed on the unconscious level.
Rewarding in Action 4
Jeremy gives a simple example in this regard. “Imagine the situation. The child gets an A for homework. His mother rewards him with delicious cookies. The boy understands that he can get something pleasant for good grades, and next time he tries to get a good grade in school again."
“The same thing happens on the romantic plane. In fact, we do this behavior all the time, just don't notice it."
“For example, a man goes on a date with a girl. He starts joking, telling funny stories. A new acquaintance in response to all this smiles at him and sometimes laughs. Her reaction is a reinforcement for the man's activity (his conversations). Thus, the more positively a lady reacts, the more happy her companion is to try.
The problem is, the sexologist emphasizes, that this process works in the opposite direction. For example, a partner begins to swear, complain, or just outright whine. We begin to react violently; for example, responding with an insult to an insult. As a result, our interlocutor only gets annoyed more and more. Innocent nagging about minor issues can quietly turn into a real scandal.
Basic rules of the method6
“We can't rely on luck in our social life,” says Nicholson. Further, the sexologist highlights the main points that will help to achieve success.
- Determine what kind of reinforcement works best for your partner.
- Timing the "award presentation" is correct: this should occur immediately after the desired behavior.
- Ignore unwanted behavior.
- Diversify the "rewards": they don't have to be the same all the time.
Use this method and your partner will become silky over time. So that you can forget about any grumbling.